


this is why you shouldn't hack the FBI on a saturday night

by HouseByTheLake



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: I havent seen enough fics with teen wolf & criminal minds so im making my own, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, i plan on having more relationships in the story but those tagged are already established, sterek & moreid will hopefully be a thing later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:13:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseByTheLake/pseuds/HouseByTheLake
Summary: “All I can say is that we are fucked. We are so screwed. We are so screwed that there is no way to unscrew us because WE ARE THAT SCREWED.” Stiles rambles on, his breath rapidly escalating. Stiles’ pacing around his room continues as Danny tries to (more like ‘fails to’) ignore it so that he can figure out a way to unfuck himself. He rapidly types on Stiles’ keyboard, hoping for any type of miracle that could help them out of this highly illegal situation. “Listen, it’s not that bad. Maybe we can fake our way out of this. Imply that maybe some other user used our IP address as bait and we weren’t the ones to actually hack into the FBI database?” Danny queries desperately, finally looking up from the desktop and spinning around to look at a panicking Stiles.
Relationships: Allison Argent/Scott McCall, Isaac Lahey/Erica Reyes, Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes, Vernon Boyd/Isaac Lahey, Vernon Boyd/Isaac Lahey/Erica Reyes
Comments: 13
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

“All I can say is that we are fucked. We are so screwed. We are so screwed that there is no way to unscrew us because WE ARE THAT SCREWED.” Stiles rambles on, his breath rapidly escalating. Stiles’ pacing around his room continues as Danny tries to (more like ‘fails to’) ignore it so that he can figure out a way to unfuck himself. He rapidly types on Stiles’ keyboard, hoping for any type of miracle that could help them out of this highly illegal situation. “Listen, it’s not that bad. Maybe we can fake our way out of this. Imply that maybe some other user used our IP address as bait and we weren’t the ones to actually hack into the FBI database?” Danny queries desperately, finally looking up from the desktop and spinning around to look at a panicking Stiles. Stiles stops his pacing to look at a seemingly calm Danny, but his nervous fidgeting of his fingers saying otherwise. “All of the evidence is on my computer, Danny! Are you kidding? We would have to clear the hard drive, mask it to make it seem like a teenage boy has frequently used it, and delete any of my obsessive research!” Stiles impresses onto his friend, ticking off his fingers for each point. 

“Even then I don’t think it would be that hard for the FBI to figure out that we would be completely deceiving them. I mean, they gotta have some type of tech genius on their payroll and not only that but human lie-detectors when they come knocking on MY door. MY door, by the way. Since it was MY computer that you used to illegally fuck with the FBI on!” Stiles rants on, even as Danny turns back to the computer. He helplessly wipes the drive after saving what little data that could onto a flashdrive and boots it up again in hopes of hiding any type of digital trace. He uploads the files; school assignments, some random research topics that Stiles’ ADHD mind grasped onto, online games, and even Stiles' very inconspicuous ‘Photos-Do Not Open’ folder. Danny sighs and leans back in the rolling chair, noticing how quiet it suddenly was. He looks over to see that Stiles was sitting on the edge of his bed, hands over his eyes. “God, we are so fucked. Danny, we are absolutely fucked.”

\---

“The Beacon County population consists of 500,000 and Beacon Hills is only 6% of that, yet the majority of murder and other serious, high risk crimes reported in the past 20 years have been from Beacon Hills.” Spencer Reid states to his team members as he looks over a few past files on Beacon Hills. Sadly, considering how small the town was, Reid would need to get access to the Sheriff Department’s storage in order to read more of the town’s files. Prentiss sits opposite of Reid, taking in the information. Morgan chimes in after looking through his own set of files, “If this town has had so much trouble with these types of crimes,” Morgan looking at a file about a closed arson case from twenty-something years ago, “then why hasn’t the FBI been notified? There seems to be a lot more going on than these so-called ‘mountain lion’ attacks.” 

“Apparently,” Rossi starts off, “this town hasn’t even contacted actual police divisions before. They’ve always handled everything through the local sheriff, which is usually normal for most small towns since all the folks know each other.” 

Prentiss nods her agreement, looking up at Rossi. “ Agreed. Small towns are already closed off as it is, probably didn’t want any strangers in the townspeople's business. The only thing with this town is that they don’t have the usual small town crime, or at least what we think. “ 

JJ pipes up, sitting in her seat after getting up to get a bottle of water. “All of these files always come up with the same closing too: an animal attack. There seems to be an ongoing case right now, actually.” 

“Guys,” Garcia nervously interjects, “please tell me I don’t have to investigate these animal claims in the field. The only reason I’m here is due to the hacker. They somehow managed to get through at least half of my firewall before I was even able to detect them. I’m not even sure if I should befriend them or destroy them for their attempt at hacking into my system.” Garcia mumbles the last part, shaking her head and proceeds to type on her laptop.

Hotch looks up from the files, glancing at his watch. “Make sure to have all your belongings in order. We should be landing soon.”

\---

Stiles stumbles into his dad’s place of work, the sheriff’s hand gripping Stiles’ upper arm bruisingly tight. Spotting Danny sitting next to his dad’s office, looking like a kicked puppy, he knew his time had come. Stiles knew he should have finished writing his own obituary last night but the thought of getting a full night’s sleep was a lot more tempting. He also should have known that his dad would barge into his room at the asscrack of dawn and drag him to the precinct after receiving a hearty call from the FBI stating they were going to Beacon Hills for a little sightseeing and somehow implied that some type of illegal activity happened directly in his own home. The tense car ride would have been a lot better if it wasn’t so silent; or, well, if his dad wasn’t so silent considering how Stiles was a nervous talker. Or just a talker in general. 

Danny spotted Stiles and the Sheriff and was somehow able to look even more miserable. The sheriff opens his office, shoving Stiles in (who shouts a little, “Hey!”) and looks to Danny. “Get in now,” Sheriff Stilinski says to Danny who immediately stands up straight and heads into the office. Once he closes the door and goes to sit on the other side of his desk, both Stiles and Danny occupying the two guest chairs across from him, Sheriff Stilinski looks at both of them and demands, “Tell me what you did right now.” Danny and Stiles both look at each other with scared expressions for a second before turning towards the sheriff and explaining how they wanted to hack into the FBI database because they were bored.


	2. Chapter 2

After Stiles and Danny take turns explaining how they were bored and how the pack (“I mean friends, not pack. That’d be weird. You know, calling your friends ‘The Pack’... Anyways-”) left the two of them out of some type of weekend camping trip. They also mentioned how Lydia and Allison wanted to hang out together without them because they needed a ‘girls night’, whatever that meant (Stiles and Danny were not annoyed at being left out by them, definitely not). The two decided to leave out the fact that they couldn’t join the camping trip because the trip was training for non-humans only. 

Being stuck together and bored as hell, Stiles asked Danny what was the hardest thing he was able to hack into and Danny replied that nothing was hard for him. The boys left out the specific events in which Danny had hacked into somewhere that wasn’t entirely legal but they both continued on before Sheriff Stilinski could ask about it. Stiles said that he bet Danny couldn’t hack into something like the FBI. Danny took this as a challenge and actually attempted to try to hack into the FBI. That’s how they both realized how fucked they were and that they didn’t know the FBI would actually show up because of two teenagers messing around.

The teens ended their explanation and Sheriff Stilinski could only sigh and put his head into his hands. “Why me…” he muttered to himself, taking his hands off his face and looking at the two boys. “Well, looks like you’ll have to explain that to the agents when they get here.” Both Stiles and Danny look at each other with panicked expressions as a knock sounded from the Sheriff’s door. Sheriff Stilinski stood up and opened it as Stiles tried to get up and ask what his father meant by ‘agents’. Ignoring his son, Sheriff Stilinski listened as the deputy told him that the agents from the BAU were here and sitting in the conference room. The Sheriff thanked the deputy and turned to his son and his friend. “Looks like you two have some more explaining to do.” 

Sheriff Stilinski left the office with Danny and Stiles behind him, Stiles for once not saying anything and fidgeting with his sweatshirt. Danny looked like he was about to pass out due to how pale his face was and how sweaty he was getting. They made it to the conference room; through the mirror Stiles was able to see that there were three female agents and four male agents. The sheriff knocks and enters, everyone looking up to see the newcomers. Stiles is able to observe the agents as his dad introduces himself to a severe-looking agent named ‘Hotch’. 

There are four agents standing near the file-covered table. On the side near the door, a muscular man with a calming smile and a tight black t-shirt that makes Stiles’ bisexuality jump out; an older man with his hands in his pockets and a dominant stance; a dark-haired woman with a seemingly kind face but sharp, intelligent eyes. On the other side of the conference table, a blonde woman with a soft smile but assessing eyes stands next to two sitting agents; a woman with vibrant clothes and glasses that hides her kind eyes, and a man in a sweater vest who didn’t even look up from his box of case files. 

‘This group doesn't seem like the type of FBI agents you see in movies.’ Stiles thinks to himself. He suddenly remembers something that the deputy said about them and, before Stiles can stop himself, he interrupts the conversation his dad is having with the guy named ‘Hotch’ and asks, “What is the BAU? Are you guys actually from the FBI? Is the BAU a part of the FBI?” Stiles is still fidgeting in the spot next to his dad and is now looking completely at the frowning agent. Ignoring the stares from the other agents, Stiles continues on with his nervous talking because the frowning guy’s face is nerve-wracking, “I mean, I assume it’s a part of the FBI since you guys are in the FBI. And I know that you guys are here because of a hacking incident, right? Not that I was the one that did it. It was only on my computer but it wasn’t me, I swear. It was this guy,” Stiles moves to point at Danny who was trying to desperately blend into the wallpaper. Stiles opens his mouth to continue rambling in the near silent room (even the guy sitting at the table now staring at them), but his dad stops him. 

“Stiles, enough.” Sheriff Stilinski orders, Stiles silencing himself immediately. The sheriff looks at the ‘Hotch’ guy again with a smile, “Sorry, this is my son Stiles and his friend Danny,” the sheriff’s hand moving in between the teens as he introduces them. “These two were the ones who thought it was a good idea to mess with your guy’s database.”

The woman with the glasses stands up quickly, pointing at Danny, “Were you the one who managed to get through MY own self-made security? Do you know how long it took me to create that masterpiece and that you managed to destroy about half of it?” Danny shakes his head ‘no’, eyes wide and definitely intimidated. He manages to get a hold of his voice and says, “Well, if it makes you feel better: it took me about three hours to get into it and it was extremely well executed. I was in awe the whole time. It reminded me of the Black Queen’s signature. I really only tried sniffing but I just wanted to see how far I could go without being detected.” 

The glasses woman stiffens at the ‘Black Queen’ part. “How does a kid like you know about the Black Queen?” she asks, her full attention on the kid now. Danny shrugs, looking around the room and feeling uncomfortable with the attention, “I mean, she’s one of the best underground hackers. Of course I’d know about her. She’s an absolute legend.” His passionate compliments cause Garcia to blush slightly; only those who know her recognize it and smirk at her. 

The ‘Hotch’ guy clears his voice, managing to get everyone’s attention. He looks at the Sheriff and says, “We are agents with the BAU which is the Behavioral Analysis Unit. We study criminal behavior and provide a profile for the unsub- the unknown subject.” Hotch points towards the glasses woman, “That is our Tech Analyst, Penelope Garcia. Sitting next to her is Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid.” Reid awkwardly waves in their direction and Hotch shifts his hand over to the blonde, “Standing next to them is our Communications Liaison, Jennifer Jareau.” The blonde woman smiles, saying, “Please, call me JJ or Jennifer.” Hotch then shifts his arm to point at the dominant man in the back, “That’s Special Agent David Rossi,” the man nods in the Sheriff’s direction. Hotch shifts his hand over to the black-haired woman, “and that’s Special Agent Emily Prentiss,” the woman smiles in their direction, her analyzing eyes causing Stiles to rub at his neck. It was like she could see right through him. “Lastly,” Hotch says, pointing towards the man in the tight tee, “that is Special Agent Derek Morgan.” The man’s smile broadens slightly, nodding towards the sheriff’s direction then at Stiles and Danny’s. 

Stiles looks over at Danny, who also turns to look at Stiles with the same thought in mind: how the hell is every Derek hot and ripped as fuck. Stiles clears his suddenly dry throat and asks, “So, since we’ve established that we were just dumb teens doing dumb teen things, would you be able to let us off the hook?” The question in Stiles voice immediately cuts off after he looks Hotch in the eyes. “Actually, we need to have proper interviews with each of you individually. Provided we have parental permission, of course?” Hotch looks to Sheriff Stilinski at the end. Sheriff Stilinski nods, crossing his arms, “You’re welcome to interview my boy. I can also call up Danny’s parents for you guys and get their permission.” Hotch nods back, “Thank you, we appreciate it. Do you mind if we interview- Stiles was it?- now, in the interview room, while we wait for Danny’s parental permission?” The Sheriff nods his affirmation as Hotch signals for Morgan to take the lead in interviewing Stiles. As the three - Stiles, Sheriff Stilinski, and Morgan - head out, Stiles mutters to himself, “Fuck, just had to get interviewed by the hot bodybuilder.” Sheriff Stilinski feels like facepalming himself while Morgan is smirking; Stiles definitely needs to learn to whisper more quietly. 

Sheriff Stilinski leads his son and the agent to the interview room, leaving them to make the call to Danny’s parents. Stiles sits on the side of the room facing the mirrored glass while Morgan takes the seat across from him. Placing his elbows on the table and looking at Stiles, who is having trouble making eye contact with the man, Morgan smiles, “Now, let’s begin with…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen,, i dont know anything about hacking so i apologize for the crappy lingo. thank you for everyone that has been commenting and giving this kudos! i really appreciate it and it is a huge motivator :)


	3. Not an Update

sorry for not updating, just wanted to let anyone whose reading this know that i will be unable to post for the foreseeable future due to all of the negative effects from quarantine. i know my posting schedule is basically non-existent but i just wanted to let yall know. i appreciate all the comments and kudos! thank you so much. hopefully ill be able to post again when i can :)

in the meantime, stay safe and healthy! stay inside but dont forget to take care of yourselves :)


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